VALEN-WHINES-DAY: A $tudy on $tupidity

It’s not that I have a problem with Valentine’s Day… I have a problem with the absurd behavior that it seems to evoke.— Introducing Schinderella It’s a lot like my Dave Matthews Band and LSU hang-ups – it’s not that I hate DMB or LSU, I just want to slap the crap out of the fan base.The whole concept of Valentine’s Day is 100% commercialized and as a Marketing and PR professional, I’m all about that shit – not a problem, let’s do this. I have a million ideas for the next round of Cialis ads.

However, on the flip side the day is also about the celebration of “love.” Let’s break that down, shall we? K, so I’m gunna do the cliché and often times obnoxious thing where you give your readers a vocabulary lesson and while I’m sorry for being THAT person, here goes:

“Love is an emotion of a strong affection and personal attachment.[1] Love is also said to be a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion, and affection —"the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another".[2] Love may describe compassionate and affectionate actions towards other humans, one's self or animals.”

Ok AWESOME. Where is the LOVE then, because when I look around I see a lot less passionate affection and a lot more passive aggression. People have taken a day that is basically dedicated to money, sex and smiles and turned it into the most over-the-top, stressful and obligatory day of the whole year. It’s like if you’re a single woman, you wind up acting bat-shit crazy and having a very public pout-fest revolving around the theme, “Screw Men” which I find very ironic as you’ll be doing anything BUT this evening, cupcake…because running around acting like a crazed, desperate lunatic who apparently “hates men” is working for you, CLEARLY.

However, not so fast ladies, let’s chat it up about those of you who’ve snagged yourself a fella…because you need to cut the shit. Your tyrannical reign of “romantic” terror not only breaks the guys you have under your command, but it literally sends their single friends running for the hills from the rest of us. 
Stop making “girlfriend” synonymous with Hitler. 
It’s just unbecoming. Boyfriends and husbands should do nice things for you because they WANT to because you’re adorable and nice, not because they’re afraid of flying objects and waking up with a neck injury from sleeping on the floor because Miss Thing has kicked them out of bed for buying a box of Russel Stovers instead of Godiva.

Valentine’s Day DOES NOT MEAN “You have to do shit for me and buy me things.” P.S. last time I checked, “Love” is a 2-way street… where’s his “gift?” The reason I’m harping on the ladies is because it’s the women who seem to have high-jacked the day and the men just let them get away with being HORRIBLE. If anything, the day has become a love-repellant.

I realize I’ve neglected the beloved gay community, and while I’m not as comfortable speaking on behalf of that dynamic, all relationships have a more masculine and more feminine role assumption. I’m confident my assessment applies. If not, call in we’d love to hear from you.

Seriously, LET’S EVERYONE JUST DROP THE ACT. It’s a goddamn Thursday. Go on a date because you WANT to! If you don’t have a date, get your ass up and go do something, there’s always something going on in New Orleans. Maybe meet a nice someone and perhaps make-out BECAUSE MAKING OUT IS FUN, not because you’re trying to trick some dude into following you to the altar.

On that note, here are some of my suggestions as to what do this coming Thursday (umm, Valentines Day):

My friend, Micah McKee (local musical badass and all-around decent human being) is playing at Blue Nile at 7pm. Check that out then hop across the street to Yuki Izakaya for some Japanese Tapas. That shit is DUH-LISH-IS… plus, there’s something sexy about tapas.

Kristina Morales is singing at The Columns Hotel – I realize the vibe there lends itself to douchebaggery, but that girl knows what’s up so whatever. You can either eat there or Urban Spoon the St. Charles area.

Check out this list and figure it out for yourselves.

I’m a HUGE fan of The Theatres at Canal Place… and the prosciutto-wrapped bread sticks… and the salumi plate… And the duck salad… I digress. If you haven’t seen Django Unchained or really ANY of the movies playing… get your shit together and make it happen, there are some exceptional films out right now.

Get some friends and head to Sylvain on Chartres for dinner and then walk to One Eyed Jacks for some 80’s night, DUH!

Get take-out from Hoshun (so effin good AND open LATE… like… LATE) and a bottle of wine, stay in with a movie and if you’re with a certain someone, “make sure to whisper those 3 words we all wanna hear: Lets. Get. Naked. “ That was a movie quote… the movie is called “Valentine’s Day…” don’t watch it, cause you'll never get that 2 hours back.

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